The Most Common Question
I have been a case guest or lecturer at The Stanford Graduate School of Business since 2004. I have had coffee, lunch, office hours, or walks with hundreds of incredibly bright, ambitious students. More than half the time, students ask some version of:
“What should I do with my life?”
I was only 30 when I first started fielding this question, and I wondered why students thought I would have any insights for them. To combat my insecurity about my own value as a mentor, particularly so early in my life, I developed frameworks to help students find their own answers.
“About 95-98% of our thoughts are subconscious, and 80-90% of our thoughts are repetitive.”
Over the years, I realized that students are asking the exact right question. They have invested in business school, a two-year, get-out-of-jail-free card, perhaps the greatest benefit of which is the chance to step out of their day-to-day lives and reflect. This reflection is a gift we should all give ourselves, but few of us do. Most of us do today what we did yesterday, and we’ll do tomorrow what we did today. About 95-98% of our thoughts are subconscious, and 80-90% of our thoughts are repetitive, so most of us go through life on auto-pilot, re-living not just the same day, but the very same thoughts again and again.
Since most of us can’t just pack up and get away for two years to contemplate our lives, I’m offering you the same framework I give my students.
The Genie
Imagine you’re walking back from work/lunch/class and you see a shiny object on the ground. You’re in a hurry, but you’re intrigued. You continue on, but find yourself drawn to this bright object. As you walk over, it becomes even brighter. How has nobody else seen it? As you get closer, you realize it’s a magic lamp, similar to those you’ve seen in the movies. You rub the lamp and, sure enough, a Genie emerges. The Genie says:
“Most of us do today what we did yesterday, and we’ll do tomorrow what we did today. ”
“I’ve only been training for 1,000 years, so I don’t have the power to grant you any wish, but I can guarantee that you will succeed in whatever you wish to pursue in your career. You just have to bring all of your intensity, passion, energy, and being.
It will likely take longer than you expect, and you will have to follow a non-linear route. There will be ups and downs. And during the down periods, you will be sure I have abandoned you. But I will stay by your side. More importantly, you’ll learn, grow, and challenge yourself, and you’ll become an incredible person as a result.
I have two suggestions: First, many people use this wish as a back-door way to wish for money. Money is not a good place to start. And second, don’t give the answer your dad or mom or boss or roommate or partner wants or what you think you ‘should’ do. ‘Should’ is the enemy. ‘Should’ has no place for an all-powerful Genie. Wish instead for something that gives you meaning. Wish for what makes you come alive.”
What big goal do you wish to pursue?
Write down your answer. You can write down several things. Don’t overthink this—write the first things that come to mind.
Now answer a few more prompts:
What would you wish for if you didn’t have to worry about money?
What have you dreamed of that you don’t want anyone else to know? Maybe you’re embarrassed or scared of this goal—I wished to be a motivational speaker like Tony Robbins—push that fear aside.
Putting the outcome aside, what journey would you enjoy most?
What could you wish for that would take you 25 years to achieve?
How do you expect to grow in the pursuit of this idea?
Which of these answers gives you the most energy? The most fear? Which goal would you really pursue if you had a Genie helping you?
Set your fear of failure aside.
PART 1 of a two-part series contemplating one big question: “What should I do with my life?”
Check out Overcoming Your Greatest Obstacle to read more.