Set Habits, Not Resolutions
Choose winning habits and learn how to make them stick.
2020 was a tough year. Millions suffered illness, the loss of someone they loved, unemployment, financial troubles, or an inability to see friends or loved ones in person. As eager as we are to put 2020 behind us, we'll begin 2021 in a similar manner, socially distanced, working or attending school from home, and generally still living disrupted lives. The COVID-19 pandemic and resulting quarantine were thrust upon us in March, and now, ten months later, with the benefit of perspective and a pause offered by the holiday season, we can be intentional in designing 2021.
One powerful way to begin 2021 is to examine our habits. Habits are the invisible rituals that we repeat, often unconsciously. They can seem small and insignificant. But over days, weeks, years, decades, or a lifetime, as James Clear, author of “Atomic Habits” writes, habits not only shape our lives, but shape our identities.
Consider a typical morning routine. Your alarm rings. You hit snooze, roll out of bed, unlock your phone, brush your teeth, check and respond to social media accounts, make and then drink coffee. You take a shower and get dressed. Each of those steps is a habit, something that at one point wasn't part of your life, and then you repeated it over and over until it became ingrained. Each habit does something for you; it provides you pleasure, creates dopamine, relieves pain, or gives you satisfaction.
The ritualization of activities is necessary. Your brain consumes as much as 25% of your energy at times. So creating habits allows you to save precious energy. Habits are not, by definition, good or bad. They can be neutral (getting dressed), positive (meditating or exercising) or destructive (drugs or alcohol). The first part of improving our habits is becoming aware of them.
When most people think of habits, they think of bad habits like drinking alcohol or using drugs, or they think of habits such as eating better or exercising. But our habits are more pervasive, spanning far beyond those few examples. We often don't realize how many activities we're unintentionally engaging in. Here is a more comprehensive list of areas in which we develop habits:
Food - When do you eat? What is your routine at the grocery store? What do you want to eat more or less of (sugar, vegetables, etc.)?
Drink - How much alcohol, caffeine, water, or soda do you drink? When do you reach for a drink? What do you want to drink or not drink?
Exercise - How often do you exercise? What type of exercise is easier for you to schedule? When? How frequently? What keeps you from your optimal exercise routine?
Sleep - What is your nighttime ritual? Are you going to bed and waking up at the same time most days? How much sleep are you getting? Are you tired during the day?
Mindfulness - How do you reflect? Are you meditating or journaling? When is the ideal time to reflect for you? How often are you connecting with your breath during the day?
Goals - Do you have clear goals for the year, quarter, month, day? How often do you assess them or write them out? Do you keep a journal? Do you have a mentor, friend, or coach to hold you accountable?
Technology - How often do you unlock your phone? How much time do you spend on social media? What do you do when you check your social media? How could your phone better serve you? How is it harming you?
Growth and learning - What and how often are you reading? What do you want to learn? Where do you want to improve? Do you want to take courses? Learn a language? Are there podcasts or videos you want to watch? Are you writing?
Calendar - How proactive are you about blocking your time? Are you good at saying "no" to activities that don't serve you? What big chunks of time can you block before your schedule fills up?
Relationships - With whom do you spend your life? Who gives you energy? Who drains your energy? How are you showing up in your most important relationships?
Mindset - What is the nature of your self talk? Are you content with what you have or always looking for what you don't have? Are you jealous, comparing yourself with others? Do you beat yourself up? Are you grateful?
Every few months, I use these categories to make a list of ideal habits I want to have. I recognize I won't hit everything on my "ideal" habit list, but the act of making the list allows me to at least be intentional about several of the areas which are important to me.Here's an example:
Graham's Daily Habits. Nirvana.
Get 8+ hours of sleep. No alcohol for 4 hours before bed. No exercise for 3 hours. No food for 2 hours. No screen time for 1 hour. In bed by 9:30pm.
Meditate for 10 min, 3x / week.
Write a journal entry 3x / week.
Write for 1 hour, 2x per week. Create two blog posts per month.
Exercise every day for 60-90 mins total.
Drink 25 mgs or less of caffeine per week.
Show up as "Dream Weaver"—my best self—all day, every day.
Become aware of negative thoughts and gently move away from them.
Make sure my wife and kids know and FEEL my unconditional love for them.
Show up with energy and optimism at Alpine.
Stay focused on my 1-2 big goals. Write my yearly and daily goals 3x per week.
Say "no" to any meeting that I don't HAVE TO to be a part of.
Create 2 hours blocks 2x per week to write, think, or walk.
Executive coaching sessions 1 hour per week.
Play tennis 2x / week.
Eat real food (e.g. not protein bars or shakes), and aim for gluten free options.
Carve out 10 min PT for knee 5x / week.
After you make this list, pick one really easy habit. Then pick one habit that will make the biggest difference in your life. I chose the following:
Easiest: Write my goals 3x per week. It takes less than five minutes.
Biggest impact: To show up as the best version of myself: "Dream Weaver."
After choosing your two habits, here are four "hacks" that will make you more likely to stick with your habits.
Simplify. Make it smaller.
In “Atomic Habits,” James Clear offers that most of us fail when starting a habit because we go too big. Someone might set a goal to exercise more. On January 2, he goes to the gym for an hour and works out really hard. He is sore the next day, but is determined to stick to his new habit, so he powers through. But by day five, vacation has ended and he’s back at work and already beginning to make excuses about why he doesn't have an hour to exercise. After missing a week, his internal dialogue becomes, "I failed again."
According to Clear, a better approach is to start really small. Go to the gym for 10 minutes or go on a walk around your neighborhood. But reduce the habit to something where you can win while building consistency and momentum. Slowly, your internal dialogue becomes, “I am someone who exercises.”
I recently had knee surgery and swimming was one of the only exercises I could do without pain. But I'm a beginner swimmer. At first, I tried to swim for an hour—about the same length of time I would bike. That hour was so painful and miserable; I hated it. So I quit. Several months later, I decided to start smaller. The first day I set a goal to swim just 20 laps. And I rested after every four laps. I could only breathe to my left and I couldn't do a flip turn, so I just grabbed the wall and pushed off. For the first several weeks, I stuck to the 20 laps. And then 24 laps for another week, then 28, and so on. It was gratifying to see improvement and I never too on so much that I was overwhelmed. Little by little, I gained endurance and stamina. Now, nearly a year after surgery, I swim 80 laps per workout. And I love swimming!
Starting small is counterintuitive for most of us, but the key is to build a consistent routine—a habit—and to slowly change our internal dialogue, not to win on the first day!
Make good habits easier—and bad ones more difficult.
I try to eat healthier. But I hate to cook or prepare meals. So I often eat whatever is quick and convenient, like protein bars, protein shakes, popcorn, cereal, or crackers. There is often an inverse relationship between quick and healthy. So I started ordering meals from Freshly. They arrive twice per week. I can put them in the microwave and they're ready in two minutes. Even I can prepare those!
We often form habits out of convenience. So how can you make your bad habits less convenient and your good habits more convenient? What if you deleted your social media apps from your phone? You can still check them daily, but you have to re-install the apps. This would increase the time it takes you to check your social media by about a minute, but will dramatically reduce the time you spend mindlessly checking them. Try it!
Shaping your environment is a simple, but effective way to nudge you into better habits. Fill up four glasses of water and put them next to you before you sit down to start your work day. Move your charging station outside your room so your phone isn't right there when you go to bed or wake up.
Make habits more fun.
Some days I have a lot of energy and am excited for a hard workout. But I often don't feel like working out at all. On those days, I ride an exercise bike and watch Netflix. I pedal slowly and don’t stress about intensity. I actually really love those Netflix rides; I get to watch a great series or movie while easing into exercise.
I also hated meditating. I really hated it. And so I never stuck with it. I just couldn't sit and count my breath. I found every possible distraction or reason to not meditate. At the advice of a friend, I downloaded the Headspace app. Headspace has 3-minute, 5-minute, and much longer meditations. And they’re designed for beginners. I eased into it, and now I love it.
How can you make your habits more fun? Even if you sacrifice a bit on the quality, i.e. working out less intensely or meditating for less time, you're more likely to stick with the habit if you enjoy it.
You are not alone!
We are social animals. You don’t need to fight these battles alone. How can you involve others in your habits? Hire a trainer to meet you at the gym or meet a friend for a walk. Increase accountability by publicly sharing your intention to start a habit, either with friends or on social media. I recently published an article on my blog declaring I had officially cut out caffeine, making it much more difficult for me to go back. I have an executive coach who holds me accountable to how I show up and helps me stick to the major goals I set. Building or sharing your habits with others makes them feel less daunting and significantly increases the likelihood that we stick with them.
New Year’s Day is often a day to set resolutions. This year, resolve to take a more comprehensive look at your routines, to start smaller, to make your habits more fun, and to involve your family and friends in the effort. You'll have much more success sticking to your intentions in 2021 and you’ll actually enjoy the habits you form.
Good luck!
